Riley

Last week I shared a long document about varying roles adults play with children. This week our Guide team used this document for a deep dive conversation about roles at Acton and the growth we want in ourselves. The natural next step was preparing a Launch for learners to get an honest although vulnerable account of how Guides are perceived. This week and next we’ll find out the results. Here are our questions for learners:

Question 1: Which Riley would you most want to interact with?

Question 2: Which Riley would you say I as your Guide am at Acton?

Question 3: At times we all can be any of the 4 Riley's. Right now take a moment to think which Riley you are when you talk to your friends and fellow studio travelers. Which Riley are you mostly in the studio?

Question 4: Can you be one Riley to some people and a different Riley to others? What causes you to change? 

Read or re-read the stories below about Riley and as you read hold a metaphorical mirror to your experiences with your child………………..

Imagine that you are a child. You have just dropped your strawberry ice cream on the ground. There are more ice creams to be had but they aren’t the flavor you really want, so you feel a little sad. Imagine also, that there is a magical box in front of you. The door opens and an adult steps out that you know and feel comfortable around, a person named Riley. This person looks at you and immediately understands what happened - your ice cream fell and you are sad. This Riley walks towards you and kneels down. She says, “Oh! Poor you! That naughty ice cream just fell off. Well don’t you worry—I’ll get you some more.” Riley gives you a hug (oh that feels nice you think) and says, :I’ll fix it for you.” Somehow she gets another child to trade and soon you are eating strawberry ice cream. You feel better-your problem was fixed and you got some loving care. Riley feels good-she fixed your problem. Next time you have a problem, you will surely find this Riley to solve it for you. You have just met Rescuer Riley.

Now imagine that time gets reversed for a few minutes and once again you are standing with your ice cream at your feet, sad, and the magic box door opens and another version of Riley walks out. This Riley walks towards you and points at the ice cream. She frowns, “Why is your ice cream on the ground! You weren’t very careful.” You explain it slipped. Riley sighs with exasperation, “I’ll get you another but you can’t be careless again. You aren’t paying attention to what you need to do. Don’t let this one fall because I’m not getting you anymore.” You get your ice cream but you don’t feel better-your problem was fixed but you now feel careless and worried that this next one will fall, and you will get scolded again. Riley feels good-she fixed your problem and told you what you need to improve so she feels helpful. Next time you have a problem, you will avoid this Riley-she helped but made you feel very insecure about yourself. You have just met Persecutor Riley.

Once again, imagine that time gets reversed. This Riley kneels next to you, “I see you’re sad. What’s the problem?” You explain that the ice cream fell. She says, “What would you like to do next?” You ask, “Can you get me more strawberry?” She smiles and says, “ I trust that you can solve this problem without me. What can you do if you want more strawberry?” You aren’t sure so Riley asks if you want her to help you brainstorm options and you agree. “Would you like to ask someone or would you like to look around to see if there is more?” You choose a path. You feel a little better-you didn’t get the ice cream YET but you feel a new sense of confidence. Riley feels good-she didn’t solve the problem for you but she sees that you have a sense of purpose and a plan. Next time you have a problem, you will try to repeat these steps and solve it yourself! You have just met Coach Riley.

For the last time, imagine time gets reversed. This Riley watches you for a bit. She comes over and says, “What’s the problem you are struggling with right now?” You want more strawberry ice cream, you reply. She says, “How can you get more strawberry ice cream?” You say there is no more. She says, “Do you know that for a fact or is this a guess?” You say it’s a guess. She says “How can you find out for sure?” You respond, “Ask around?” Riley replies, “ I understand it can be scary to approach others. Would you rather not ask (which means no possibility of strawberry ice cream) OR take the risk and possibly get strawberry?” You aren’t sure. Riley leaves you saying, “I look forward to hearing about your choice!” You may not feel better-there is still uncertainty about the ice cream but you know that you have choices and control over your outcome. Riley feels  good-she encouraged you to find the truth in the situation (about your thoughts and choices). Next time you have a problem you can think about ways to find your truth and best outcome. You have just met Challenger Riley.

Which Riley are you most often with your child? Do you Rescue, Persecute, Coach, or Challenge? Which Riley do you want to become? If you are feeling extra brave join the Guide vulnerability train and review the Riley stories with your child and ask them which Riley they most often notice. You are a brave hero too on a journey to change the world. Sometimes the world starts at home!