Monsters!
“The monsters were never under my bed. Because the monsters were inside my head. I fear no monsters, for no monsters I see. Because all this time the monster has been me.” This poem by Nikita Gill highlights the revelation that every hero must experience. Monsters are mysterious, scary, and are created by feeding on our deepest fears. At Acton we’ve identified key monsters that tend to emerge for both learners and Guides. Naming the monster is the first step to knowing how to battle. Words matter.
The monsters that tend to emerge most often with learners are the monster of distraction, the monster of resistance, and the monster of victimhood. Each monster is special and often when one monster emerges another monster is soon to follow. It’s as if a portal opens and a cycle of monsters phase through. Here’s the low down. As you read keep your child in mind and see if one monster fits more than others.
The monster of distraction has a few heads. One head is that a child purposely interrupts others, makes loud noises, or wanders with the intent to distract and steal attention. The other head is open to distractions. A learner who is always wondering what others are doing, lacks focus or attention and who is easily distracted by “shiny” actions.
The monster of resistance fears change. Learners with this monster do not want to try materials, they give up without engaging, and make judgements that something is too hard or too easy or won’t work without knowing. This monster might say “No one wants my opinion” or “This badge is too hard and I will never do it.” Every aid this monsters resists.
The monster of victimhood goes two ways, one where they think others are always hurting them and they have no choice and the second where they blame. The monster of victimhood can be tricky because it shape shifts. One moment this monster cries and becomes a puddle of despair and another moment this monster is a fiery ball of blame with deep anger holding others accountable for their actions and feelings.
To every monster there is an antidote that will alter the experience for the better. The antidote takes great bravery to recover and it defines a hero’s journey. For learner monsters here are the antidotes we encourage for learners to find. The monster of distraction is dispelled with the power of intentionality. The monster of resistance is transformed with the power of growth mindset and the monster of victimhood is released from it’s shape shifting with the truth of accountability. Other monsters that begin to poke their heads at the double digit stage of childhood are the monsters of entitlement, mediocrity, and apathy, oh joy!
We are naming the three monsters above with learners at Acton and at our next parent meeting this July we will dive more into parent monsters. Don’t kid yourself, you have monsters and so do I, we all do. Monsters are part of the journey and a mirror of honesty is the greatest tool we have to change our course. For parents, the handful of monsters that I have personal experience with and have seen at Acton are the monsters of fear, control, and doubt. Fear that your child might not love school, doesn’t have friends, isn’t learning anything, fear of safety. Control is the need to control outcomes, dictate your child’s badges or plan, and to speak for your child when they need to find their voice. Doubt is the resistance to believe that your child could be contributing to a problem and doubt that they could do wrong or lie.
If you have battled these monsters, here are antidotes that may take a while to recover. Fear = belief, trust, and observation of your child’s joy. Control = surrender to the process, trust your learner and focus on modeling your hero’s journey instead. Doubt = accountability that your child has a part and you may not know the full picture.
Monsters don’t need to be scary they simply need to be named. Best of luck finding your antidote on your magical journey!