Model Parent
It’s when I am at my worst that I realize that my most precious humans are watching, waiting, learning. Most recently, my daughter who is now 9 reminded me of her eyes and my role as her model.
Picture this, I spent long hours at work and walked through the door with my bag lady items and the day written all over my face. It was late, I was tired, my to-do list was still swirling in my mind and I had no awareness of how I presented as I stepped into the kitchen. My children are at the table and my daughter says “Hi Mom”, she pauses, then she gets up from her comfy spot and says “Mom, can I give you a hug?” I was surprised. She clearly knew that I needed that hug and in that moment I realized that I was the recipient of those awareness talks we’ve been having. I asked her “Did I look like I needed a hug?” She shared, “Yeah, you work hard and sometimes we all just need a hug.” My heart melted and my mind cheered that my imperfection that day gave my daughter an opportunity to practice empathy, a skill she’s been growing.
Whether I intended it or not, my parenting win that day was honest imperfection. My imperfection paved the way for my daughter to see that her role model has hard days too. My hard day meant that my daughter can sometimes have hard days and need a hug too. The need for a hug doesn’t mean we quit and doesn't mean we pretend like we don’t need it. A hug is what we give to those we love to remind them to stay in the arena. Knowing that my daughter is growing in her awareness and can now share empathy brings me great joy, even greater joy living as her recipient.
Being a model parent doesn’t mean that you win grand awards or earn that big raise. It doesn't mean that you have to explain to do this or that or that you have all the answers. In my opinion, being a model parent means being authentically and honestly yourself. It is the small acts of affection, the kind notes, the sincere apology, the curious question, the desire to dance, the need to learn a new skill, the frustrated reaction, the compliment to a stranger, and the modeling of the day to day that your child will mirror.
Here are the wise words from Acton co-founder Laura Sandefer about learning in her blog post titled Always.
“Always be learning. Not just for yourself—even though this is the key to feeling fully alive. But also for your children. When you are in a state of intentional learning two important things are also happening:
Your child is learning how to learn from you. For better or worse, you are the key role model in how and why to learn.
Your empathy for your child’s learning journey is growing. Because you know. Learning is hard. You’re there in the thick of it yourself.”
What are you modeling? Are you striving for perfection or are you modeling what happens when you make a mistake? Are you modeling life long learning?
Here’s one final tidbit of my personal practice to share. While in the car or on the couch I find my child’s hand. I take my thumb and stroke their little hand for a brief moment to nonverbally share my care for them. This is my way to actively model affection. Just yesterday my children sat on the couch and I noticed them hold hands. My daughter’s thumb rubbed the hand of her brother and I witnessed their sweet eyes catch each other’s and twinkle with love.