Car Ride Reflections
The school day ends and your learner hops in the car. Are they bursting with stories of the days happenings or are they tight lipped like a secret spy? As a parent of two, I am very familiar with asking “how was your day?” or “did you have a good day today?” More often than not when I ask these questions I receive one word answers “good” or “yes.” Despite my greatest efforts the lips of my secret spy kids will not budge, one word is all I’ll get.
Early on in my Acton parent life I began to wonder “Am I asking the right questions?” From what I know now as a tinkering Mom and as a leader of your child’s Acton world for the last 1.5 years my questions and my approach were all wrong. Perhaps you too are yearning to connect with your child, here’s what I’ve learned so far and some questions to try on your ride home, around the dinner table, or during a late night story-time snuggle.
STEP 1 —Question Types
Free yourself from the open-ended question What do you think about…instead ask questions that provide your learner a framework of options that invite conversational depth. Offer A/B choice questions ie. What part of your day is most challenging for you, core skills or quest time? Ask your learner to rate their day, or rate a portion of their day ie. On a scale of 1-5 (1 being the worst, 5 being the best ever) how was your day? These types of questions prompt more questions such as What would make it better? If you could change one thing what would it be? Is it your friends or your work that contribute most to your rating today? These types of questions allow you and your child to zero in by reflecting on what’s going well and how they might want to experiment. These types of questions invite more questions like Why do you think that? or Can you tell me more?
One other way that Guides at Acton ask questions is with imaginative scenarios. Create a scenario that invites clear decision making such as Imagine that we are going to start our own school, what is one part of Acton that you have to include? What one part would you leave out? Often these imaginative questions can send your learner down a chatterbox river!
STEP 2 ––Timing
Sometimes the timing is off and your learner just needs a moment to chill and connect later. If the car isn’t their favorite debriefing time maybe they prefer connecting at the dinner table or while you work on a puzzle, or perhaps they are the most chatty and reflective before they go to bed. I’ve noticed my daughter isn’t consistent, she likes to flow, my job is to listen for when she’s ready. Other questions I’ve found are most supportive are Would you like to talk about this now or wait until later? and Do you want advice or do you just want me to listen?
STEP 3 —FUN!
Extra fun ways to connect with your whole family are to share your day’s HIGH/LOW or to play Two Truths, One Lie.
Happy chatting!